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A Mother's Sacrifice

تضحية أم



My mom only had one eye.I hated her
she was such an embarrassment
امى عندها عين واحدة كرهتها. كانت شيئ محرج بالنسبة لي

My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell
كان عندها محل في السوق و بتجمع بذور و حاجات عشان تبيعها
...
Anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment.
كانت تفعل اشياء محرجة لتوفير الفلوس اللى محتاجينها
There was this one day during elementary school
و ادى الحكاية من بداية ما كنت في المدرسة
.

I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed.
افتكر انه كان يوم جمع الحصاد و ماما كانت راجعه
ساعتها كنت محرج جدا


How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.

ازاى امى تعمل كده فيا؟ كنت ببصلها بنظرة كره و بعدين اجري من وشها.
اليوم اللى بعده في المدرسة قالولى" امك بعين واحده." و اتريقو عليا

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock.
اتمنيت ساعتها ان الارض تنشق و تبلع امى
قولتلها " ماما انتى ليه معندكيش عين تانية خليتينى مضحكة للناس؟"

Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.
ما تروحى تموتى احسن؟ ماما ماردتش عليا
ساعتها حسيت انى وحش لكن في نفس الوقت حسيت انه من الافضل انى افكر بالطريقة دى

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
يمكن لأن امى ماعقبتنيش لكن ماعتقدتش انى جرحت مشاعرها للدرجة يعنى


That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away.
مرة بالليل صحيت من النوم عشان اشرب دخلت المطبخ لقيت ماما قاعده بتعيط بكل هدوء كأنها خايفة تصحيني
بصيت عليها و بعدين روحت ماشي


Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye.
الكلمة اللى انا قولتهالها من شويه حسستنى ببعض الذنب
مع انى كنت بكره امى اللى كانت عمالة تبكي بعينها الواحده

So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.
عشان كده قولت لنفسي انى لما اكبر هبقي ناجح
لانى كرهت امى اللى بعين واحده و فقرنا المقدح

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married.
بعدها ذاكرت كتييير جدا و سيبت امى و سافرت سيول للدراسة
و اتقبلت في جامعه سيول بكل الثقة اللى كانت عندى
و بعدها اتجوزت

I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.
اشتريت بيت و خلفتلى عيلين كمان
و دلوقتى عايش عيشة رجل اعمال
بحب المكان هنا في سيول لانه المكان الوحيد اللى مش بيفكرنى بامى



This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one eye.
سعادتى دى بدات تزيد و تزيد
لحد لما حد غير متوقع جه يزورنى
" ايه؟ مين دي؟ "
دى كانت امى و لسه زى ماهى بعين واحدة

It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
حسيت كأن الدنيا اتهدت على دماغي
و بنتى الصغيرة جريت من الرعب لما شافت عينيها

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared.
سألتها: " أنتى مين؟ انا معرفكيش؟" و كأنى معرفهاش فعلا
زعقتلها و قولتلها انتى ازاى تجرؤي و تيجي لحد بيتي و ترعبي بنتي
اطلعى بره من هنا
و على الكلام ده كله امى ردت بكل هدوء انا اسفه يمكن غلطت بالعنوان
و بعدها اختفت

Thank good ness... She doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

الحمد لله معرفتنيش استريحت شوية
و قولت لنفسي انى مش هفكر و لا اهتم بالموضوع ده تانى طول حياتى


Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip.
بعدها كنت مستريح فترة طويلة (من امى طبعا)
و في يوم جالى جواب من اصدقاء المدرسة القدام عشان نتجمع تانى
كذبت على مراتى و قولتلها انى رايح رحلة عمل

After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... It was a letter to me.

بعد ما اتجمعنا روحت اعد في الكشك القديم اللى كنت بقول عليه بيت
بس لمجرد الفضول روحت
لقيت امى مرمية على الارضية الباردة
لكن مانزلش منى دمعة واحدة
كان في حتة ورقة في ايديها
كان جواب ليا


She wrote:

My son...


I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much.
كاتبه فيه:
ابنى
بيتهيقلى حياتى طولت
كفايه لحد كده
و اوعدك مش هزور سيول تانى
لكن كتير عليا لو طلبت منك انك تزورنى مرة كل مده؟
انت وحشتنى اوى

And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.
و كنت مبسوطة جدا لما عرفت انك جاى عشان التجمع ده
لكنى قررت انى ماروحش المدرسة
علشانك
انا اسفة انى معنديش غير عين واحده
و كنت دايما بسبب لك احراج


You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... So I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

فاكر لما كنت انت صغير جدا
انت عملت حادثة و فقدت عين من عينيك
و انا كأم, ماستحملتش اشوفك بتكبر و انت عندك عين واحده
عشان كده اتبرعتلك بعين من عينيا
كنت فخورة جدا بابنى اللى بيشوف الدنيا كلها بعينى

I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me.
عمرى ما زعلت منك على اى حاجة عملتها حتى في الكام مرة اللى زعلتنى فيها.


I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.

قولت لنفسي : يمكن عشان بيحبنى
وحشتنى الايام اللى كنت بتجري فيها حواليا


I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.

وحشتنى اوى اوى
بحبك
انت بالنسبة لى العالم كله


My world shattered!!!

حياتى اتحطمت"

Then I cried for the person who lived for me... My Mother

بعدها بكيــــــــــــــــت
على اللى عاشت طول عمرها علشانى

امى
ارجو التثبيت

:(

:( :( :(

تسلم الايادى

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